To Be Happy: A Subjective Definition

For the past few days, I've thougt about what exactly makes me "happy." I think it's such an abstract and normative term that we've forgotten what it means to us individually. "Happy" seems to be just an adjective and not an action verb. That's kind of depressing if you really think about it. I guess happiness is a choice and a lot of us don't choose, but at the same time, what is it exactly?

Things that inspire me:

• cinema of all genres (national/international)
• a really good book
• peep to heels and retro fashion
• the intellectually stimulation (categorizes all of the above)

Yeah, that's well and good, but does it really make me "happy"? So here's the question: What is "happiness" to me?

I don't know in all honesty. I've seen "happy or happiness" framed as this temporary spurt of emotion that lasts as long a commercial break. So for it to be prolonged, does it then mean something else? "Joy" perhaps? But then what is that?

I've been trying to figure out what makes me happy. I think if I figure that at then I can actually show some semblance of human emotion. I've been dwelling in the emotionally neutral for the last two months. The first few months of this year seemed to be filled with some sense of excitement and urgency because I finally figured out something God was trying to tell me. Maybe the reason I'm so neutral is because I've stopped listening. I guess I'm still looking for an answer I've been waiting on since last year.

Maybe this is why I haven't really felt a sustainable sense of "happiness." I still haven't really figured it out for myself.

When the experiences of the list I gave above end, it's like I need that high again. I'm addicted to the experience and the surge of positive stimulation.

But I guess you can't be high forever.