2/28/2011 Unemployment and The Source
Hello, again. I'm still unemployed and have had something of a negative experience with the last job before the post below, but other than that, I'm realizing that a job isn't my true source. Now don't get my wrong, I was supposed to be hired by this date because my goal for last month wasn't achieved and yes, I don't find job hunting remotely appealing. But I will say, I've gotten to this place where I'm concentrating more in maintaining my happiness and not just trying to get a job. I've been more content and at a peace for the past two months than I've been in two years and all the while I've been unemployed. I interned for a short period at a newspaper. I'm working on a novel I truly believe in. I'm praying more. I'm doing more self-evaluation. I'm surrounded by people I trust. I have a new church home and perspective on God's sovereignty and what my role is in his plan for not only my life, but for others. I even had an interview a couple of weeks ago. I haven't gotten a call back, but at least someone saw my face. I even had my short story get rejected for the 3rd time, but at least the editors read my work.
Now, don't get me wrong. I have my moments when I'm not so confident in my abilities and I get bored with filling out applications and editing my resume. Sometimes I find myself upset when I hear someone has the job I want or was hired faster than I was. But then I think, it's good that person didn't have to go through what I've been through these past 2 years. Then I think, I can't be upset if that person is happy. Then again I think, maybe that person has her dream job but she can't sleep at night because she's stressed and depressed.
I recognize and actually apply this to my life now: you can't base your happiness on your circumstance and you must renew your mind. That was something I honestly didn't want to do two months ago because I was afraid that if I did my hopes, desires, and even prayers wouldn't come to fruition fast enough or at all. I'd rather see production first before I would be happy about it or even claim it. I'm visual so I needed to see something good happen for me and it seemed nothing good was happening. But then I thought, I have nothing to lose, so why not make the effort to be positive and productive in whatever way I could. So I looked for volunteer opportunities. I interned for a month. I started researching for a novel idea I have. I planned an excercise regime. I made more effort to read and study my Bible. I set aside time everday to job hunt. Even though I'm still unemployed, I know feel my time isn't wasted. And that was huge for me. I even took all of last week off from looking for a job and was just a couch potato and I loved it! For once I didn't feel guitly for not doing anything. That was a real change for me. I always felt like I had to do something to be happy or at peace. I felt like I was trying to force out of thin are and got tired of initiating the job search because I wasn't getting anywhere.
And I realized I job isn't what's going to make me happy; it's my spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical strength that's going to build me up. It's my faith in God's divine will and reliance and hope in him that's going to get me through. He's the one that will get me the job I want. He's the one that will place me where he wants me to be. I already brought me back home and now I see I'm supposed to be here for a reason. Do I want to be here 3 years from now? No, but I understand that this is my present and not my future.
Now, it isn't always so easy to maintain this outlook, but I do see how unemployment and not being able to go to school has been somewhat of a blessing. It's taught me how to rely on God more and do a deep self-evaluation that I don't know could've been done if I am bogged down with work or trying to complete my dissertation. I'm right where I need to be at the moment. So, I'm not upset I'm unemployed.
I'm kinda happy.
I Thought I Wouldn't Need this Page Anymore (12/13/1010)
I'm unemployed again.
I thought I wouldn't need to write another post on this page for a while. But apparently I can't keep a job long enough to invest myself in it. It seems I haven't found the right fit yet again.
I'm getting tired of night being able to grow anywhere. I'm tired of trying to break into the real field I want to and can't even get to the back door to get in. I'm tired of applying for jobs just to get a check. It's like dating just for the company rather trying to build some kind of intimacy.
And I'm bored. I'm bored with applying for jobs and trying to do some semblance of networking. I'm bored with life in general.
I'm bored with unemployment.
I am not Participating in the Recession
And there you have it, folks.
I finally decided not to participate in the recession. Now don't get me wrong. I know the state of the global economy is in a hellish condition, but I've decided that I will no longer emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually take part in it.
You see, I'm a freshie in this new thing called adulthood and independence verite. I've always had my family to depend on, even when I thought I was at most independent. No I realized how dependent I really I am.
I have a roof over my head.
Food in my belly.
A little money in the bank.
Student loans on deferrment.
And a dream in my hand.
The way i see it, I'm loaded compared to some folks. And then again, that was my problem. I'd been comparing my unemployment experience to someone else's and wanted to be the victim for a change. I wanted my experience to be horrific so someone would understand my state of mind.
I'm still unemployed and on the job search. I'm still not where I want to be. But I've decided se changer mon coeur. That's basically my rough French translation of deciding to change my heart condition. I went through an hour long surgery of purging and deliverance. I've let it go. Just because I don't have the dream career I've always wanted just yet doesn't mean that I can't obtain it. I wanted my future to be my present, but that will take some time.
So I've decided to not let unemployment keep me from dreaming and putting works to my faith. There's only so much that I can do.
So I will continue to look for an opportunity to take or create and let what I deem stress to fall away. I don't want to be so stressed out and so unsatisfied that when my dreams do come true, I can accept them.
So here goes nothing.
Can you say Carrie Bradshaw Wanna Be?
Hello, everyone. (Or at least the one person that has read posts from my previous blog.) I have returned with more angst about my season of unemployment.
I was talking to my sister and she suggested I try freelance writing since I aspire to be a writer (entertainment/feature journalist, novelist, screenwriter). It sounded well and good and it was something I considered back in late 2009. But the truth is:
I've been afraid to step out on the suggestion.
Mainly it's because I haven't written much (only two published articles in a local newspaper in PA in late 2009) since undergrad and that was 3 years ago. I also don't have my own vehicle so hunting down story ideas and possible interviews is difficult. Then I realized that my fear came from doubting my own capabilities and my lack of experience in what my Bro-N-Law calls creating opportunities (as opposed to just looking for a job).
I'm used to excelling in academia: doing the presentations, acing the tests, writing impressive papers and theses. I'm not used to the real world work experience. Not to mention I don't want to become complacent in a job that will just allow me to get by.
As my friend Tayo says, sometimes her extravagant dreams causes her to sometimes overlook what God has blessed her with. Sometimes it seems like it's not enough. And that's my train of thought. I'm not a person who lives for the moment; I live for the future. And right now, my future isn't in my immediate reach.
That lead me to do more research on freelance writing and ways to market myself which then led me to Sex and the City, Candace Bushnell, and Carrie Bradshaw. That's when I finally accepted the revelation that writing for me isn't just a hobby but something I've done as long as I can remember. I believe it's one of the platforms God has given me to do what is my passion: Expression.
I did more research on Bushnell and Bradshaw and pray the same happens for me that happened with their careers. No I don't want to write a column about sex and relationships (or no sex and non-relationships in my case), but if I can do something I love, glorify God, get paid, and get a few book and movie deals, then hey, I'm all for it.
I guess this makes me a bit of a Carrie Bradshaw wanna be. No I'm not searching for love/relationship, but I do aspire to create my own sense of self in the media, accumulate an interesting wardrobe, write books that inspire people to think out of the box, and get a fat pay check! (I'm not greedy, but I won't lie: I would like to travel more, pay off my student loans, have a vintage Jaguar, start a literacy and wardrobe foundation for the underprivileged, and one day afford to buy Christian Loubotin shoes. So shoot me.)
So I guess I'll chronicle what comes to mind, continue to work on an outline of a novel idea I've had for the last 2 years, complete (regular) job applications, seek and create freelance opportunities, and be prayerful. I've cleaned up this blog and created a google website in the last 24 hours with my published and unpublished works. This is a start. If Bradshaw can live in NYC for about 15 years before hitting it big, I can at least let go and let God do what he can and wants with me. Knowing Him and His favor, he can do all this in less than 15 years!
What about Me (Us)? (originally posted 10/12/09)
I recently read an article on the unemployment rate in USA Today. The article mainly discussed how the unemployment rate is affecting families, maried couples, and people over the age of forty. That got me to thinking about the value that's placed on us 20-something singles who have just graduated: I'm wondering, are we worth anything in this country?
The reason I pose this question is because the local and national news primarily focus on families and people over the age of 30. This is not to discredit the experiences of people in these age groups who are just trying to make ends meet. My parents are in this age group. My qualm is with the media.
There has been an absence of representation and voice for those of us who have recently graduated (whether advanced degree or not). It's as if no one considers that we contribute much to this country's culture, society, and you guessed it, economy.
I feel like my voice isn't being heard. I may only be in my mid-20's, and I may not have a family or child to take care of, but just like everyone us else, I don't make enough to make ends meet every month; I don't have health insurance so if something happens to me, that's it; I don't make enough to even have savings, and I am enough debt from school loans. I have to decide if I should by groceries or put gas in my car. Not to mention I have no financial means to even get my car fixed. Not to mention my job ends in two months and I've been looking for adequate full-time employment since April when graduate school was no longer an option.
This is not to whine or complain. This is not to make my situation seem worst than the average family; this is just a plea for someone to listen to me and the millions more single 20-somethings who generally haven't had much coverage since the official announcement of the downfall of the economy. It's almost as if we have to get married and raise a family for someone to listen to our economic concerns.
So, what about us?
What the ?/!$ (originally published 8/19/09)
I'm in a "what the...." moment. I'm still on the job market, writing resumes, editing cover letters, etc. I still don't feel any closer to where I want to be. I have to decide if I should buy groceries and gas this week or wait so I can pay rent for this coming month. I have no money and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It's funny how we tend to plan our lives to a certain schedule when x, y, and z are supposed to happen. I'm in my mid-20s and I feel dependent. I've prided myself on being independent and able to take care of myself. Now I'm in the land of bad economy and no job. Well let me rephrase that last point: I'm in the land of not the job I want to have and where will I be in the next 5 years.
People say hold on to God, pray and ask in all supplication, you can not please God without faith. I got all the faith in the world, I just need to pay rent next week. I don't know if it will help. I'm still networking out of control to end up somewhere in the communications field, preferably film. Then again, I'm still waiting for something else to be snatched from me. It seems that in this past month, everytime I get a little bit of faith going or just general happiness, all that strips away within the next 12-36 hours. I'm left feeling like I still don't have any solid answers of where to go.
I feel desperate, like I'll work a job I can't stand just to make ends meet. But I'm not one who settles. I'm one who fights, but yet and still, I'm tired of fighting. I just want to be rescued right now.
Lord, help me.
In the Land of No Entry-Level Jobs (originally published 8/11/09)
I am currently on the job search. I'm looking for something clerical for the time being, but I really want to work in the media: writing, reporting, editing, filmmaking, etc. I'm even willing to be someone's personal assistant. Even more so, I'm willing to start from the bottom and work my way up. There's only one problem:
NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE NEWBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From my understanding, everyone has to start somewhere. Even the some of the most successful people had to start at the bottom of the garbage heap before they moved on to recycling (if you know what I mean). So after numerous months on the job hunt even while I have one, it dawned on me:
How in the world can companies hire individuals with x amount of years experience when these individuals are just coming out of college and graduate school and don't have a whole lot of "experience"? No one wants to take on newbies, so how are we supposed to ever get job experience to move to the next level? That doesn't make any sense. Experience doesn't come out of nowhere. It takes time and patience so I don't understand why companies aren't even taking gambles on office mail clerks and looking for someone with 15 years experience. Now mind you, these same CEOs, editors, etc. were also people that had to start off in the lowest ranks.
It's frustrating because I in the next 4 days will graduate with my master's in media studies (I've studied everything from film to advertising to the racial composition of some of the most famous TV shows.) I also have my bachelor's in journalism and I've interned in a public information coordination division of community-based healthcare program. I've worked for my student newspaper as an undergraduate and even was surprised to see three of my class articles chosen by my professors to be published in said newspaper and an online initiative run by students and professors in the communications department at my undergrad. I've also had a few years experience doing clerical work such as data entry and event coordination. Oh and don't forget my master's thesis on the evolution of minstrel presentation in U.S. cinema. Now all this has happened over the course of 4-5 years. Now if this isn't experience in anything, I don't know what is. It may not be much and it may be scattered from working little side jobs during undergrad to also working as a graduate student in my department, but it's something.
My advice to companies, schools, internet agencies, and the like: If you want people with millions of years experience, you're most likely not going to get it from the freshies you're trying to target. You're best bet is to actually give some one the chance to move up the ranks and be an asset to your agency, school, film studio or what have you.
In these strange economic times, beggars can't be choosers. That includes hiring employers.
