Oh, how therapeutic this is.
Well, to a certain extent.
I woke up this morning with the strangest idea that if I want to accomplish something, I need to set acheivable goals to meet. Oh, wow. This is an ingenious idea that never occurred to me or I think to most people.
I'm one of those strange people that just does stuff or the dominoes seem to fall perfectly into sequence. But that all changed last year and I'm now in the process of rediscovering lost passions. Let me rephrase that; the passions where never lost, they were just stiffled by university life.
It occurred to me that if I want to be a writer I'll have to take some writing classes or read books on the process and craft. I'll have to write everyday and submit things to journals or magazines (which I did about an hour ago. I'll let you know what happens). I'll have to stop waiting for things to happen. I realized that's mostly what I do. I just wait. And wait. I guess I'm still waiting for God to make my decisions for me.
I thought about contests I could've entered when I was younger, meetings I could have attended, people I could've actually taken the time to talk to. I could've entered that poetry contest. I could've gone to film school if it hadn't donned on me until recently. I could've gone out on a date with that guy (you know, whatshisname).
Some say we shouldn't live in the land of the shoulda, coulda, wouldas, but if we don't, we won't take stock in the experiences we've missed out on. If we don't, then we don't take a chance on our future. We just keep rolling because we don't want to face the realization that most often we are the ones that hold ourselves back. At least that's some of the truth for me.
People think I'm so confident about myself and my future. That's not entirely true. I'm just as insecure as the next person, if not more. Now, I have to create the next step instead of just waiting for it to appear under my feet.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Neuroses is the New Black
Oh yes, there is a fashion trend that is re-emerging since the finale of Sex and the City: It's Neuroses. And I mean neuroses about everything. No wonder I'm still in a box.
What I mean by all this is I always knew I was a bit on the neurotic side, but it occurred to me last week some time that I think I may have gone overboard. Especially as it pertains to career and relationships aka sharing romantic space with some dude (as if he would be that random).
I've always been pretty cautious. Now I'm uber cautious with a big umlaut. I'm not just wondering if the pots overhead will fall on top of me, but wondering if I'll meet I guy that wants to have kids when I don't and will he mind if I give up for adoption. I'm also wondering if I'll end up in a cardboard box vs. living in my sister's house well into my early 30s. All this most likely stems from something way back when...
I'm a control freak. I won't even let Jesus in on an administrative decision. A lot of things have gone wack in my life starting from childhood. The folks broke up due to a little thing called voluntary pharmaceutical misuse, a lack of an economic stimulus package, the disordered experience of single parent living, and a plethora of other family drama.
And now there's me in my 20s trying to pray and work my way beyond all this stuff. And that's when I discovered how anxious and paranoid I am about my future, probably more so than I really need to be. It's the color I've worn for so long that I can't remember ever being in another shade.
It's my fashion statement for this season. I'm surprised SJP hasn't caught on yet. The makers of SATC should let me style for the next film becaue Lord knows Carrie Bradshaw and Charlotte York Goldenblatt have been copping my style since that show aired, ended, and the movies were being made. I even have red shoes to match.
What I mean by all this is I always knew I was a bit on the neurotic side, but it occurred to me last week some time that I think I may have gone overboard. Especially as it pertains to career and relationships aka sharing romantic space with some dude (as if he would be that random).
I've always been pretty cautious. Now I'm uber cautious with a big umlaut. I'm not just wondering if the pots overhead will fall on top of me, but wondering if I'll meet I guy that wants to have kids when I don't and will he mind if I give up for adoption. I'm also wondering if I'll end up in a cardboard box vs. living in my sister's house well into my early 30s. All this most likely stems from something way back when...
I'm a control freak. I won't even let Jesus in on an administrative decision. A lot of things have gone wack in my life starting from childhood. The folks broke up due to a little thing called voluntary pharmaceutical misuse, a lack of an economic stimulus package, the disordered experience of single parent living, and a plethora of other family drama.
And now there's me in my 20s trying to pray and work my way beyond all this stuff. And that's when I discovered how anxious and paranoid I am about my future, probably more so than I really need to be. It's the color I've worn for so long that I can't remember ever being in another shade.
It's my fashion statement for this season. I'm surprised SJP hasn't caught on yet. The makers of SATC should let me style for the next film becaue Lord knows Carrie Bradshaw and Charlotte York Goldenblatt have been copping my style since that show aired, ended, and the movies were being made. I even have red shoes to match.
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